Down and Out in Pittsburgh and New York

NPR's Bad Romance

2010-05-06T23:58:00.005-04:00

NPR's personalities decided to spoof the latest Lady Gaga hit Telephone. Click Here. Which itself is a response to the 82nd Airborne's version. I suppose this will cause people to suspect Robert Siegel a hermaphrodite.

Just Like a Woman

2010-05-03T13:57:00.003-04:00

Listened to the Dan Patrick Show this morning. Got tired of people talking about Jennifer Aniston and the like. Here's the mold.

Paradise Lost Sunday

2010-05-02T23:08:00.006-04:00

What a difference a year makes

In the Wake of an American Dream

2010-04-29T14:51:00.004-04:00

A Sample of Ross Mantle's Essay on the Monongahela Valley

For More Ross Mantle

Callous Broads and Classy Literature

2010-04-29T00:08:00.008-04:00

Compilation of famous writers and their respective weapon of self-destruction. Got your standards: Poe, Hemingway, Faulkner; but also some broads that could hang with the best of 'em.

Including:

Dorothy Parker (married husband twice, pick up line: "one more drink and I'll be under the host")
Edna St. Vincent Millay(first broad to win the pulitzer for poetry, burner-of-both-ends)
Anne Sexton (affectations: former model, poet, proponent of the whole-running-the-engine-in-the-garage-move)

From Life: famous-literary-drunks--addicts

Two Bits Revisited

2010-04-28T23:58:00.004-04:00

Love with the Proper Stranger

NPR Calls Out Hipsters

2010-04-28T18:02:00.005-04:00

NPR: "New York's Hipsters Too Cool For The Census"

"Apocalypse Now" in Brooklyn Heights

2010-04-28T17:32:00.004-04:00

Too many helicopters on the East River, pissing off the locals. It's their very own Ride of the Valkries: "I love the smell of Brooklyn in the morning. Smells like....hipsters. Tourism."

For Article

Music Theory Revisited

2010-04-28T17:29:00.004-04:00

My City vs. Your City

38%

For More

Law Students In The Hood

2010-04-28T17:25:00.002-04:00

Just Say No meets Reading Rainbow

2010-04-28T16:23:00.003-04:00

Combining two of our favorite addictions:

Literature and Nicotine

Unique packaging, readable type, British.

Tankmagazine.com

For More

Second Hiatus Over

2010-04-28T16:19:00.001-04:00

We're back in the New York Groove (Hello lyrical reference approved).

This thanks to the end of taxes, world affairs and the law.

Stay tuned for the return of regular posts.

(Lincoln's) Birthday in Belation

2010-02-18T13:47:00.000-05:00

This one's from the vault, but it's worth your time. A bit mind boggling, that is, the resemblence between Ralph, 11th generation Lincoln, and old Honest Abe. Apparently, Western Pennsylvania is the land of Lincoln now.

For More

Winston Warhol

2010-02-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

Was Royal propaganda.
Now it's pop-art.
I love it.

...Two Bits

2010-02-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

Anthony

Down and Under 2 Feet of Snow...Still

2010-02-18T01:28:00.001-05:00

American History Texas

2010-02-18T01:07:00.000-05:00

Interesting, but depressing look at the state of American history education.

How Christian Were The Founders?

By Russell Shorto

The New York Times Magazine

Bookman Old Style Ain't Shit But Hoes and Tricks.

2010-02-18T00:42:00.000-05:00

I never paid much attention to typeface until my girlfriend started pointing it out to me (see Freudian Black Italic. Other than using Courier New in high school to extend a report, and getting on some Copperplate Gothic Bold kick on AOL IM when I was 13, I never really noticed or cared about that sort of thing. Kinda behind the times on this one, but apparently Helvetica is a big pop-cult deal. See: 2007 documentary marking the font's 50th anniversary, See: exhibit at the MoMA. Shit, even wikipedia says helvetica is the source of a feud between the modernists and post-modernists. So...ya know...whoa.

Teacher, Leave 'em Kids Alone

2010-02-18T00:28:00.000-05:00

Facebook and Free Speech.

Well, you still can't walk outside your high school with a sign that says "bong hits for Jesus," but you can create a facebook page bashing your teacher (for now). Keep an eye on this story. There aren't many laws regarding social media publication (i.e. libel, copyright, etc). In the mean time, suck it Miss Sullivan. Bitch.

For More

Mightier

2010-02-18T00:26:00.000-05:00

I thank you.

Clearer Names for Strange Winter Olympic Sports

2010-02-18T00:14:00.000-05:00

Guide to Vancouver

Ice Dancing

(Figure Skating)

Actual Ice Dancing

(Ice Dancing)

Ice Bocce

(Curling)

Zigzag

(Slalom)

ZIGZAG

(Giant Slalom)

Speed Capsule

(Bobsled)

Skiing, also Shooting

(Biathlon)

Ice Slide

(Luge)

Face First Ice Slide

(Skeleton)

Esquire

What We Talk About When We Talk About St. Elmo's Fire

2010-02-17T23:46:00.000-05:00

Rediscovered St. Elmo's Fire on Hulu.

Realized: 1) post-undergrad living is best summed up by Judd Nelson decision to become a Republican 2) that no one really got over 1985. 3) I'm older than Demi Moore's boobs. 4) The reputation of a sax in a rock band is directly proportional to the reputation of Rob Lowe. 5) If Emilo Estevez is in a 1980s movie, I want to see that Emilo Estevez movie--5-a.) Conversely, if Emilo Estevez is in a 1990s movie, I don't want to see that Emilo Estevez movie. 6) Chrysler LeBarons were the shit. Thank you Lee Iacocca.

Lady Brett Ashley & Atticus Finch, Esq.

2010-02-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

Thieved

2010-02-11T22:48:00.000-05:00

Little People

Love With The Proper Stranger

Stuff White People Like

2010-02-10T01:33:00.000-05:00

The Whitest Kids U' Know

A blizzard does have its perks. Mainly not having to go to work the next day because public transportation in Pittsburgh is a disaster (see Surf USX America post). And with the added late night free-time, you can catch IFC reruns of the Whitest Kids U' Know, the NYC sketch comedy group. Season 4 was bumped from January '10 to June, but the good news is that they'll be on a promo tour in late spring. In the meantime, you can find them on Youtube.

Down and Under 2 Feet of Snow

2010-02-09T00:06:00.001-05:00

Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Freudian Black Italic

2010-02-07T00:17:00.000-05:00

Horoscopes, sooth sayers, palms. Font. So what's one more medium of enlightenment? Find out from some German (?) (Russo maybe) what typeface you are. Quickly now.

The Last of the Bo

2010-02-07T00:03:00.000-05:00

Ancient tribe becomes extinct as last member dies

For More

FOIA

2010-02-06T23:52:00.000-05:00

'Most Dangerous Paper Routes in the World'

RICHARD PÉREZ-PEÑA

Who Dat*

2010-01-31T20:47:00.000-05:00

*Who Dat is a registered trademark of the National Football League (NFL) all rights reserved.

Who dat say we can't print Who Dat? Really, NFL? In an effort to either become the biggest asshole corporation in America, or to make more money for the cash-strapped (?) billion dollar industry that is the National Football League, Roger Goodell and lawyers (see 3rd circle of hell) issued a cease-and-desist to local New Orleans t-shirt vendors for infringing on their logo and New Orleans Saints cheer "Who Dat," which, all of a sudden...I guess the NFL owns?

Even though "Who Dat" is a cheer invented by fans...and the fleur-de-lis has existed at least 600 years before any form of football (see related news).

In related news, the NFL also issued ceases-and-desists to France, the old national flag of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Quebec, Pittsburgh Penguins goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury, the Three Musketeers, LA Confidential, the Da Vinci Code, the entire Bourbon monarch blood-line, Hurrican Katrina, Louisville, KY, Nova Scotia, Nature, half the popes, and a bunch of cheap cologne, and a small village in Wales.

Dreams Deferred

2010-01-31T19:37:00.001-05:00

These remind me of working in a video store in high school. A customer wanted to buy some Disney dvd when the co-worker ringing her up told her that the princess movies were "bullshit fascist propaganda."

But dammit if these aren't accurate, and probably just as unhealthy as the original animated ones.

From the genius work of Dina Goldstein.

You're All Phonies

2010-01-31T18:53:00.000-05:00

With great death, comes great responsibility. Now that Salinger is gone we all have a moral obligation to start burning books...hardcore-Indiana-Jones-and-the-Last-Crusade-Nazi-Rally book burning. Burn any book whose backflip descriptions have phrases, including, but not limited to: Salingeresque, The stuff of Salinger, the next J.D. Salinger, this generation's Salinger, etc.

I am by no means a Mark David Chapman. Catcher-in-the-Rye didn't have a higher meaning for me or 17-year-old me. But I simply think that everyone should have an equal and fair shot at reading this book, before accidentally reading a shitty version of it, i.e. Perks of Being a Teenage Wallflower. It's like this: How many of you saw She's All That before its original My Fair Lady..or shit its original, Pgymalion , or O before Othello, or Ten Things I Hate About You before The Taming of the Shrew, and then really surprised when you thought this semi-witty film was actually Shakespeare, or Homer, etc? Remakes are important and they have their place. Especially when they allude to certain notions and spin off of others.

Point is, embark on this book-burning crusade before you walk into some suburban Barnes & Nobles and overhear preteens remarks that Catcher in the Rye is a watered down boring version of The Crowded Room. Because, that sirs and madams, marks the end of days.

Then again, this whole rant is so Kafkaesque of me.

Esquire, Love with the Proper Stranger

Tu Vuò Fà L'Americano*

2010-01-25T22:54:00.001-05:00

*You Want to Play the American

American Girl in Italy, 1951

I always knew a bit about the above photograph. My father kept a framed print of American Girl in Italy, until I thieved it when I moved into my first apartment. Apparently I was only aware of half the story, though. I knew it was semi-staged, in that the Girl, Jinx Allen, was a confederate, but the reactions are real; the photographer, Ruth Orkin, was cognizant of how the Italians loved to cat-call foreign girls. But I didn't realize Orkin was on assignment with Life Magazine, when she met Allen. Or that the two set out to photograph their daily battle with male coquetry. So they proceeded to truck around Florence, playing the role of the ditsy tourist, aiding and abetting the unknowing Casanovas, with the hope of having a good photo to show for it. Interestingly, their excursion was deliberately in the morning, as all the Italian women were inside making lunch.

Stopping Traffic

Sitting at Statue

Treasure Tours

At the American Express Office

Staring at Statue

Couple in MG

Flirting at Cafe

Asking Directions

{Ruth Orkin Archive}

Great Works of Literature as Text Messages

2010-01-24T10:53:00.000-05:00

The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens

Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman

Animal Farm, by George Orwell

Audacity of Hope, Barack Obama

{by Mike Sacks & Teddy Wayne, Esquire}

Zombies, G-20, Football

2010-01-24T02:19:00.000-05:00

The latest work by Ross Mantle, photographer

Breakin' the Law, Breakin' the Law

2010-01-24T01:34:00.000-05:00

Bands want to know if their music was used on Gitmo detainees

Apparently we weren't the only ones that thought Fred Durst and Neil Diamond made terrible music. So did the military.

CNN Article HERE

Complete artist list HERE

Sounds About Right

2010-01-23T23:03:00.000-05:00

The Next Commute

2010-01-23T22:23:00.000-05:00

Mother (Hot-Girl-Next-Door) Russia

2010-01-23T22:04:00.000-05:00

I just remembered. We need another Cold War.

Calling London

2010-01-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

Please Explain: Logo for the London 2012 Olympics or cartoon fellatio?

Thank you Facebook for pointing this out.

Falling Lego

2010-01-23T21:52:00.001-05:00

Pray Tell, What News?

2010-01-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

Feist will be playing at the Olympics, since she's O Canadian. But apart from that, no scheduled shows. And her last recording was with Jeff Tweedy...who is starting to have a Dave Matthews-like following among the more indie southern fraternities and the young divorcee sub-sect of the Delilah After Dark crowd.

So...keep smoking if you want, just drop the bad habit of playing with Wilco.

Down and Out in Winter and Recollection

2010-01-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

"The people I loved were celebrities, surround by rumor and fanfare; the places I sat with them, movie lots and monuments. No doubt all of this is not true remembrance but the ruinous work of nostalgia, which obliterates the past, and no doubt, as usual, I have exaggerated everything"

This Isn't Vietnam, There Are Rules

2010-01-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

"Where cult films go, academics will follow."

Dissertations on His Dudeness

By Dwight Garner

The New York Times

This article is brilliant, obvious, and an excellent example of why they hate us.

I'll See You On the Beach...

2010-01-23T21:01:00.000-05:00

It'll be awhile before we go back to the ole watering hole.

Birthday in Belation

2010-01-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

(No Longer Worn Out and Finished)

"I remember very well the impression I had of Hemingway that first afternoon. He was an extraordinarily good-looking young man, 23-years-old. It was not long after that that everybody was 26. It became the period of being 26. During the next two or three years all the young men were 26-years-old. It was the right age apparently for that time and place." - Gertrude Stein

The Google Predictor

2010-01-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

www.predictablyirrational.com

Surf USX America

2010-01-23T19:55:00.000-05:00

The Light Rail Transit System:

Because Public Transportation in Pittsburgh Should Always Be More Complicated Than It Looks

However, I do appreciate that Pittsburgh commuters prefer reading books, whereas New York commuters prefer to not notice the crazy who's masturbating in the corner.

Absolutely not as fast as this picture makes it seem.

Music Theory

2010-01-23T19:50:00.000-05:00

Hiatus Over

2010-01-23T19:37:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile. But we're back and in technicolor.

Married to the Sea, Best of November

2009-12-08T14:24:00.001-05:00

Assassination Vacation

2009-11-22T17:24:00.000-05:00

'Tis the Season

This week kicks off the holiday season. And while for many this means family feasts and deals at the mall, for most it means Beefeater Gin. And with that numbing delight comes the spiritual avoidance that is a hallmark of the six-week-long holiday experience. Some people get gift cards, others get clinical depression.

So if your looking for a morbid catharsis that will hold you over until 2010 (a yin to your merry yang, if you will), pick up Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation. It's the story of the NPR contributor's extensive field trip through the historical tourist traps of America's first three presidential assassinations (Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley). As comic as it is cosmic, the pop-culture pilgrimage is of a humor that is blacker than pitch.

Above: Lincoln coconspirator before execution? Or Lincoln coconspirator avoiding Aunt Ginny before Thanksgiving dinner?

Below: The difference is one's Jewish.

No better time for this New York Times Bestseller than on the 46th anniversary of Kennedy getting one to the dome.

Shebiscuit?

2009-11-10T02:15:00.000-05:00

Horse racing is often called the sport kings, though it could be called the sport of old men with ethnic nicknames: Nick the Greek, Milo the Serb, etc. And usually women in racing are kept at a distance, a few female jockeys here, a few commentators there. Most are limited to the grandstand, pacified with $500 hats and a handful of mint juleps. But every now and again you meet one hell of a lady. Her name, Zenyatta. As far as namesakes go, she is the most successful Sting spinoff since Roxanne. Undefeated, the mare won her 14th race last Saturday at the Breeder's Cup Classic in Santa Anita. Horse of the year? Time will tell. No Rachel Alexandra this race. And the blue-bloods will continue to question the synthetic surfaces. But Zenyatta beat the boys, including Kentucky Derby winner Mine that Bird. All this after a slow, rattled start thanks to the petulance of the late scratch Quality Road at the starting gate. Last to first? Even with her last rush style those are some odds. Guessed it? No one, save the mare herself, who crossed ears up for photos, swatting her right leg for fans.

Top Photo by Ross Mantle (135th Kentucky Derby)

Bottom Photo Equisportphotos.com

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/horse/breederscup09/news/story?id=4633238

The Snows of Kilimanjaro

2009-11-09T15:49:00.000-05:00

Meanwhile, in things-that-are-making-Hemingway-roll-over-in-his-grave news... The ice on Mt. Kilimanjaro is melting and no one really knows why. This comes just weeks after the decline in Spain's sport (?) of bullfighting. Luckily for Hemingway fans, alcohol and shotguns are still on the market.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/03/world/africa/03melt.html

Apocalypse Now Redux

2009-11-09T15:41:00.001-05:00

Victor Sebestyen, author of “Revolution 1989: The Fall of the Soviet Empire,” reminded us why that one cliche is so obnoxious...what was it again, something about doomed to repeat history?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/29/opinion/29sebestyen.html

Married to the Sea, Best of October

2009-11-09T15:36:00.001-05:00

Married to the Sea

Neunundneunzig Luftballons

2009-11-09T15:11:00.000-05:00

Another Brick in the Wall

It's been 20 years to the day since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Two decades later, however, the legacy is still up for debate.

New York Times Coverage:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/09/world/europe/09berlin.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/09/world/europe/09iht-wall.html

Down and Out in Pittsburgh House Fires

2009-10-08T20:03:00.000-04:00

So What's the Deal With....?

"House fires are so common in Pittsburgh that if you were to wake up and not see news coverage of an overnight fire, it could only mean two things: One: it was actually your house, and you’ve woken up confused in a hospital, mistakingFull House for the news. Or two: Pittsburgh is underwater from God’s great flood, part duex. Either way, Pittsburghers like witnessing these house fires because the local news stations need people to interview.

Andy Warhol, probably the most famous Pittsburgher, once said, “In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.” This is especially true in Pittsburgh, except everyone is famous for fifteen minutes, then famous again every eleven minutes right after the weekend forecast, up until seven o’clock.

To be an interviewee on the local news is a life goal of the average Pittsburgher. Being prepared can help accomplish this goal. If a Pittsburgher is awakened by sirens, it’s too late. A Pittsburgher looking to boost face time on channel 3 has to have a keen sense of smell in order to beat the neighbors outside. Pittsburghers like to be first on the scene, but must not be too groggy in order to form a coherent account of the blaze for when the satellite vans arrive.

Also, news stations often refrain from putting atrocious-looking people in front of a camera (though sometimes that’s all the crop has to offer). A fully closed robe, properly secured wig/weave, sufficient removal of eye-boogers, and especially the usage of undergarments will ensure talk-time with a cube-wielding microphone.

Truly prepared Pittsburghers will not forget to put a tape in the VCR before going back to bed in order to eternally capture their fifteen minutes on an outdated analog medium."*

The reason observational humor is so hilarious is that it is equally classic and simple. I am sure at its origin, there was an ancient Greek in the toga-equivalent of jeans, tennis shoes with tucked-in collared shirt asking what was the deal with Oedipus.

And while observational humor is humorless when one cannot relate, it also serves another purpose apart from comedy, in that it's the best way to inform outlanders of certain idiosyncrasies. In these respects, Stuff Pittsburghers Like goes to "tahn."

*Stuff Pittsburghers Like

The Sun Also Sets

2009-09-30T23:30:00.001-04:00

In a Spanish Province, a Twilight of the Matadors

New York Times (9.30.09)

Article by Michael Kimmelman

Photos by Carlos Cazalis

Married to the Sea, Best of September

2009-09-30T23:14:00.000-04:00

marriedtothesea.com

G-20 via New York Times

2009-09-24T20:54:00.000-04:00

Auto-Tune the News, Katie Couric Sounds Better

2009-09-07T20:20:00.000-04:00

The rest of the media, and country for that matter, is starting to get hip to Michael Gregory's news mash-ups (the most recent being #8). Auto-Tune the News: combining auto-tuned melodies, awkward witticisms of news anchors, and the sometimes-funny joke that is the American politician since 2009. The end product, a song that is catchy enough to get stuck in your head and the satisfaction of knowing what it would be like if John Boehner and Nancy Pelosi had a "the bill is mine" rap battle. Thank heavens for that. Though, it is surely a sign of the apocalypse that that faux news carries more weight than the nightly.

Since the 1980s, somewhere between 1980 (CNN) and 1996 (Fox News Network) television journalism had a stoke. Now cable news is so big it can drown you in the bathtub. Sometimes the best medicine truly is laughter, in that you have to make fun of it in order to keep your sanity.

Now, Auto-Tune is carving a place for itself next to the likes the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. The fact of the matter is that these faux news outlets are the ones telling us that the emperor has no clothes: Nancy Grace really is that obnoxious mom at the PTA meetings. Glenn Beck really is a chubby white bigot. Larry King really is older than shit.

As funny and entertaining that the viral videos are, the do speak a real truth. Rep. Steve Buyer actually said smoking dried lettuce is like smoking a cigarette. Katie Couric actually said texting while driving could result in turning an LOL into an OMG. Her CBS backup, Maggie Rodriguez, made three puns about the geese problem near the airports. (crying fowel, geese cooked, a wing and a prayer). Sen. Grassley actually brought to the floor of the Senate an animated story-board, the tale of "Sir Taxalot." Rep. Dan Lungren actually wrote his own version of "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man. (C rhymes with B for Broke, rhymes with D for Democrats.)

If journalism is supposed to be a watchdog of power. These creations are the leash, keeping in check how absurd the news should be.

In Time; On Youtube

(21) Days of Summer

2009-09-02T21:16:00.000-04:00

Today marks the 8th annual Roberto Clemente Day. Considered to be the latino Jackie Robinson, Clemente is remembered for two accomplishments: he was arguably the best defensive right fielder in history (he could gun down a should've-been, would've-been, could've-been triple in a single pivot from the first baseline); and he was the greatest humanitarian in sports.

Clemente had exactly 3,000 hits. His last one at his last regular season at-bat. A double off of Jon Matlack of the New York Mets. September 30, 1972. The last day of that year, December 31, Clemente's plane went down shortly after take-off. He was on his way to Managua, Nicaragua, where two days earlier there was a massive earthquake. Clemente had immediately aid packages, but they were intercepted by corrupt government officials. On New Year's Eve, Clemente had decided to go personally in order to ensure the victims would finally see aid.

*Former teammate Steve Blass: It's not just a death, it's a hero's death. A lot of athletes do wonderful things - but they don't die doing it.

*Then-Commissioner Bowie Kuhn: He had about him a touch of royalty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9cEoMwtjuM

Above: The Clemente Bridge

*ESPN Classic Biography

Married to the Sea, Best of August

2009-09-02T11:52:00.000-04:00

www.marriedtothesea.com

Andy Warhol or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying about the G-20 and Love Jackie O.

2009-09-02T00:36:00.000-04:00

On September 24, the heads of 20 nations from around the globe (aptly named G-20) will meet in Pittsburgh like a Superhero conclave. And as they try to solve the world's problems, their factory women will be in the North Side looking at nude pictures of Jackie Onassis. Well...maybe. It's possible.

The Andy Warhol Museum will host a lunch for the spouses during the 24-25 summit later this month. There they will be given white gloves, felt ones, and left to run-amok amidst the hundreds of boxes the late artist packed full of nicknacks and momentos. Warhol never threw any of his junk away. He kept everything in cardboard boxes, from wedding cake to antiques, birthday cards to ticket stubs to pictures, including Jackie O. in her suit... not the Chanel. Onassis was photographed naked by the paparazzi while sunbathing. The pictures were promptly sold to Hustler Magazine. They ran in the 1975 August issue. Apparently the former First Lady had a sense of humor and sent Warhol a signed print.

But the White House hasn't officially given the green light to for the First Expedition for the First Exhibitionist. And if they do, they will vet the time capsules. Chances are Obama will nix showing a bunch of First Ladies a nude picture of a former First Lady. Wrong impressions 'n all. Although there is plenty of other things in Warhol Museum that the White House would like to hide in a box until after the summit...for starters the portrait of Jackie O. in a state of utter grief and dismay at JFK's funeral.

I suspect if the Warhol endeavor is not picturesque enough of Pittsburgh, someone from the South Side will take charge and usher Carla Bruni and the First Wives Club dahn to Heinz Field and show dem the 6 Lombardi Trophies. Get 'em a Primanti's 'n at.

From Your First Cigarette, 'Til Your Last Dying Day

2009-08-31T00:43:00.000-04:00

Hell's Kitchen, Not Clinton, Still Simmers

This is a great article from the August 28 New York Times about where and when the West Side neighborhood nickname originated. It's been attributed to Davy Crockett before, though no one knows for certain. But be sure to check out the viewer comments as well, as to learn what Hell's Kitchen's updated name should be.

Hell's Kitchenette?

Hell's Banana Republic?

photo by Sam Faulk

7 Score and 6 Years Ago

2009-08-28T17:34:00.000-04:00

All images by Ross Mantle, photographer.

rossmantle.com

Down and Out In Pittsburgh and New York, or, This Blog Kills Fascists

2009-08-28T14:02:00.000-04:00

"At 22, I am utterly worn out and finished," wrote George Orwell circa 1925 during his stays in the two premier underworlds of Europe, post-education and civil service in Burma. He journaled his experiences of seedy kitchens and the poor spikes in what became his first full-length work, Down and Out in Paris and London. The experience is often credited as being the foundation for his utopian novels and political conscience, for his success. At the time, however, he was adjusting to a bit of a culture shock. While his family was by no means wealthy, they were of a respectable line. But at 22, Orwell was trading in his overcoat for cigarette money. Still, there was a rebound. Orwell wrote: "It is a feeling of relief, almost of pleasure, at knowing yourself at last genuinely down and out. You have talked so often of going to the dogs - and well - here are the dogs, and you have reached them, and you can stand it."

The title of this blog is an obvious reference to Down and Out in Paris and London, but it is also an allusion to allusions. (See below). How often are we more familiar with the allusion than the allusion's source? In fact, the point (or focus...on occasion) of this blog is to take note of a) said allusions of allusions and b) observe how that fake reality eventually becomes actual reality.

Way too douche-preachy for you? Well, there's funny stuff to muse over, too, while you're putting off what you're supposed to be doing.

When Men Were Men, And Women Were Tough Italian Journalists

2009-08-28T01:04:00.000-04:00

I'll take my journalist like I like my woman: a beautiful, smart, aggressive, Italian anti-fascist resistance fighter who was, in an unrelated episode, shot thrice in Mexico City. If that's not enough, she freudianed Kissinger into saying that he felt like a cowboy. If you want to honor the ghosts (Cronkite and Hewitt) of interviewers past, read Oriana Fallaci's 1976 "Interview with History."

This compilation of interviews will teach you more about Middle Eastern issues than anything in the New York Times -see: Golda Meir, Yasir Arafat, Ayatollah Komeini, Ali Bhutto. As Obama will soon decide whether to escalate the war or withdraw from Afghanistan, it helps to have an idea about our other Peace with Honor - see: Henry Kissinger, General Giap, Thieu.

If you can cram, you can get this last one in before the end of Summer. Look at it like a tune-up read. So in September when you watch Meet the Press or try to impress you girlfriend's new dickish coworkers you won't feel like you wasted your dog days by pretending to have read Infinite Jest.

*Buyer beware: Fallaci did go a bit Glenn Beck after 9/11 with her 2002 The Rage and the Pride. Atlantic Monthly called it "a sort of primer in how not to write about Muslims." It could have been the lung cancer though. Skip that one.

The Revolution Will Be Televised

2009-08-16T19:03:00.000-04:00

Tonight marks two events: 40 years since Woodstock and the premier of the third season of AMC's 60s drama "Mad Men." Guess which one is getting more ink. New York Times columnist Frank Rich beat me to the punch this morning and wrote an excellent article comparing the two, but also the respective generations. E.g.: Woodstock today would only happen via corporate sponsorships. He compared the baby boomers' "free" concert (which really wasn't free, people overran the ticket sellers) versus today's "free" music (pirated, that is). Of the two events, the anniversary and the premier, only one gets a Times Square party where people dress retro. Here's a hint. They will be wearing suits, smoking (tobacco) and only trusting people over 40.

As to the gap between this generation's youth and Woodstock, Rich makes a keen observation. He writes, "Any large-scale youth 'community' would be virtual, on Facebook and Twitter, and so might some of the sex. Only pot remains eternal."

But what also remains eternal is this generation's nostalgia for all that comes before. Certainly the black rimmed glasses and skinny ties of the 60s are back in style from a fashion sense, just as "flares" (bell-bottom like jeans) and peace-sign necklaces were worn by teens in the late 90s. But apart from clothes, the current generation has yet to pick a revolution. Sex, drugs, rock'n roll, Civil Rights, Women's Rights, Gay Rights, Industrial...all those revolutions already happened. Every year someone is the next Salinger. (If in Borders, I hear another hello-kitty wearing, frappocino drinking, pre-teen tell an adjacent cohort that Perks of a Teenage Wallflower is the most important book ever, she's going to get a Shins cd thrown at her.) Sure, this generation grows concurrently with the internet revolution or the Green revolution, but they didn't innovate it. Al Gore did. The youth of this country might have plugged in and turned on(line), but they'll be watching "Mad Men" on hulu.

But the best way to compare the contrasting events tonight is take inconsideration a 1970 album. The year after Woodstock, Gil Scott-Heron wrote "The Revolution Will Not be Televised," a poem put to funk, rap before its time. Five years after the death of Malcom, and two since Martin's, the song was a militant's PSA reminding all that revolution doesn't come to you, you go to it. And yet, 40 years later here is the next generation, watching Mad Men, identifying with a past American life, reliving the pre-revolution turbulence as to not deal with this one. Perhaps for answers, we must wait for a cover of the Scott-Heron anthem. Maybe in 2010 there will be a Jonas Brothers iTunes exclusive, telling us that the Revolution will be twittered (see Iran).

But for the meantime, the Revolution is televised, is televised, is televised. The Revolution will be re-run (and DVRed, sold on Blue-Ray, podcast, pirated, and put on your iPod), brother.

"Mad Men" will go better with Coke.

A New York State of Mind?

2009-08-10T01:26:00.000-04:00

This op-ed from Harper's senior editor Bill Wasik ran in the New York Times on July 30. It was an interesting write up about how the next generation of would-be New Yorkers are staying at home and settling for the web. Apparently they won't be leaving on a jet-plane so long as they have high speed internet. The op-ed's teaser quote: "Why go to New York when you can just go online?"

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/30/opinion/30wasik.html

{Illustration by Gerry Greaney, via New York Times}

Guns of August

2009-08-10T00:58:00.000-04:00

Harry Patch, the last living British veteran of World War I, died last week. He was 111. His death came just 7 days after that of Britain's only other WWI veteran, Henry Allingham. There are various ways to describe World War I: The Great War, The War to End All Wars. And then there are ways that attempt to explain its absurdity: "A teenager with a handgun starts the First World War." "Two bullets kill 20 million people." In a war where 70 million men were mobilized, there are no longer any French or German WWI vets. There is an American, Frank Woodruff Buckles, 108, of West Virginia. Britain lost its last Tommies in the same week, 95 years and one month after Gavrilo Princip put one bullet into the neck of Archduke Franz Ferdinandand another into his wife's stomach.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/obituary-harry-patch-1761078.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/26/world/europe/26patch.html

{image via NYTimes.com}

Mr. Baseball* (*In a Good Way...Seriously)

2009-08-10T00:42:00.000-04:00

What baseball needs is someone who is as flawed as the sport itself, but can still make you root for its recovery and success.

(MLB's Prodigal Son; Rembrant's Prodigal Son)

Baseball fans should embrace this photo, because Texas

Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton is the hero the MLB needs. Seriously. I am not trying to be smug. In fact, he is the MLB of today. Hamilton was the feel good story of 2008: the 18-year-old number one pick, turned junkie, turned sober, turned home-run derby champion. But yesterday Deadspin.com posted pictures of Hamilton from January, evidently falling off the bandwagon...to say the least.

Major League Baseball has been on life-support since Washington Post reporter Tom Boswell revealed Jose Canseco's steroid use in 1988. At the time, Hamilton was of tee-ball age. Would-be legends started to fall like Redwoods: McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, Clemens, Manny, and now Big Papi. Each year the MLB prognosis got worse. It doesn't help that Bob Costas and Rick Reilly act like old-timey doctors, the kind that smoke. They are the first to pull the plug on the sport too, as if it will resurrect Mikey Mantle or Joltin' Joe. They puff in your face as they tell you, without sugar-coating it, that you might have 6 months left...and there's a problem with your insurance....and your wife left you.

Enter Josh Hamilton. He was drafted the year after McGwire and Sosa reminded everyone how cool baseball was in the '60s. But it was downhill from there. In 2003, around the same time the MLB tried to figure out how to triage the steroid epidemic, Hamilton was going to strip clubs, getting tattoos and doing his first line of coke. Then rock-bottom. BALCO is leaked in November of 2004. Then the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. On February 14, 2005, Jose Canseco's book Juiced debuts, which promptly names everyone and their mothers as steroid users. A month later McGwire refuses to tell congress what everyone knows to be true. And around this time Hamilton does crack in a trailer.

But that was then, albeit recently, but then nonetheless. Hamilton fixed his life and made his debut in 2007, the same year the Mitchell Report is released. The Mitchell Report was a cleansing. There might be a few absent names, or even a few names that should've been absent. The thing isn't written in stone. But hell, it wasn't leaked either. MLB came right out and showed us what they got. Hamilton was clean then too. A year and 11 days after Hamilton took his first major-league at-bat, the MLB and Player's Association agreed on a bigger and better drug policy. A few months later, Hamilton becomes the home run derby champ. The corner is turned, the circle complete. Kinda.

If by corner turning, you mean cutting it too close to the guardrail and scratching the shit out of the passenger door, then yes. If by circle, you mean...well, you get the picture. In January of this year, Hamilton apparently walked into some bar (evidently the goddamn House of the Rising Sun), got hammered, and let casual women with highlights and tans grab his balls (testicles that is) and lick whipped cream off his chest.

And a month after that, Sports Illustrated that A-Rod did take steroids. That bastard lied right to Katie Couric's face! And yesterday the world hears of Hamilton's lapse, just as it learns Manny and Big Papi may have juicing the year when they beat the Curse of the Bambino.

So what do you have to say for yourself, Josh? I can't wait for those ESPN blue-bloods to nail your ass. Sic 'em Reilly. (Quotes from ESPN.com)

* "I'm embarrassed about it." Oh. You don't deny it?

* "Honestly, I hate that this happened." Me too, buddy. You were doin' so well.

* "But it is what it is. You deal with it. I realized that, obviously, I'm not perfect, in this ongoing struggle, battle, that is very real." Wow, spoken like a true...human being that is a recovering addict.

Major League Baseball, too, is a recovering drug addict. It, too, once destroyed its promise. Unlike Hamilton, though, I am not sure if baseball is ready to admit that. As of Saturday, Ortiz wasn't ready. Derek Jeter is the top selling jersey. Albert Pujols might win baseball's triple crown this year. But these heros look more like Brutus and MacBeth than Superman. When is the other cleat, syringe, trite pun, going to drop? It should be the other way around. Hamilton is the tragic hero. But this is America, not Greece. We love a comeback, not a downfall. Whereas Jeter and Pujols...they're like the significant others that we're convinced will cheat on us. We want to take it slow. We've been burned before. What baseball needs is someone who is as flawed as the sport itself, but can still make you root for its recovery and success.

Giving credit to where credit is do, Maxim.com ran a story about Hamilton in May 2005.

"The Resurrection of Josh Hamilton" Aptly named. And in that article is an allusion to the Prodigal Son (see top). This is why Hamilton matters. Because you can resurrect more than once. There is only one mention of "riotous living" in the parable of the Prodigal Son. But I would bet that if the prodigal son, once clothed and given a "prime time" ring and a T-Bone, he also would have found himself in a Tempe bar a few years later, covered in whipped cream, singing "Don't Stop Believing."

{images via Deadspin.com, Espn.com, SI.com, Prodigal Son (by Rembrandt) image via google images}